Covering My Bases

Not sure if this showed up for my RSS homies, but I’m giving a bunch of my books away (for money).

Scoping Down

When you’ve set a big big goal for yourself and it’s killing you to meet it, often you’ll reassess your tactics.  When I set out on this current path my goal was “to find work as an actor or television writer”.  Like any other project with a goal, this one had three facets:  time, budget, and scope.  Of course the scope is the same as the goal.  That was my mission statement.  If was a business entity, a career in entertainment would ultimately be my product.

Now, I don’t want to crush any dreams, but I have realized that I’m not cut out for that goal.  I might have enough talent to make a reasonable living at it, but my ambition is lacking.  I won’t go on auditions or submit my work around because in the beginning that leads to fairly small potatoes.  In the end that’s all I may end up with because it turns out there are a thousand tall white guys with ukuleles trying to be Steve Martin to the Chuck Palahniuk generation.  My niche is an industry.  And that’s just in New York.

A less wise Phil, perhaps myself two or three years ago, would have looked at the limitations keeping me from this goal and tinkered with the expectations for budget and money.  Namely, he would have said something like “I don’t care how much it costs or how long it takes.  I’m going to rule this town!”  And that’s admirable and a completely rational way of assessing one’s goals.  Honestly, if you want something bad enough, you need to be willing to sacrifice everything you have to get it.  For most of us, all we have is time and money.

But remember that you were the one who set the goal up to begin with.  You’re playing a finite game because you’ve chosen to play it. Indeed, if you really had to be playing the game, you wouldn’t really be playing it.

What the hell am I talking about?  I’m talking about the third facet of your big big goal: the purpose itself.  I honestly believe it is my purpose to bring joy to this world.  I seem to have a knack for it, it makes me happy, and it makes others happy.  I’m just good at making people laugh.

That meshes cozily with life as an actor or comedy writer, but there are other ways to fulfill my purpose and make a living at something else.  Just like a character in a play has tiny little motivations that they seek beat-by-beat all in service of that character’s grand-arc motivation, I’ve come to realize that getting laughs on TV is not my purpose (necessarily).  It is a nice thing that could potentially happen to a guy like me.  But for me, that’s all it is.

Right now I’m still doing improv comedy shows.  I’d like to keep writing and performing in sketch shows.  Let’s be honest; I’d still love to get to write for a television show.  I connect with the universe a little every time someone laughs at my silliness.  But it’s all on my terms.

Relatively soon I’ll stop hitting the stage.  I’ll go back to school and follow some new adventure for a while until the wind blows me elsewhere again.  I’ve got other fish to fry, but I’ll never forget why I’m doing these things.  Why do I do anything?  To make the world smile.

If you want to know the meaning of life, here’s how you find it:

1. You can only know the meaning of your own life.
2. Look at your biggest goal and ask yourself why you’ve set it.  The answer may be an even bigger goal than that one.  Keep asking Why until there is no higher purpose.  You’ve found it.

This is Important

I want health in my life and I want health in the lives of all the people of my generation.  The people I know live in relative ease and our efforts are toward the ends of comfort and not mere survival.  We are a generation with the opportunity to follow our desires instead of our hunger.  I want health for us because it can be so easy to forget that we are these capable animals, and we deserve to exist with minds and bodies more fit than our ancestors.  In these times of abundance and relative safety it is a shame to squander our days by fattening ourselves and neglecting the sharpness of our wits.

I’m still young so it seems easy to put off health until there’s more time.  This is an illusion.  My addictions to television, to white starch and sugar, to sleep, and to the same songs over and over have taken residence in the part of my brain where better goals should exist.  Instead of keeping up with The Office I should want to compose an epic poem.  Instead of pancake mix and fake syrup I probably should have just had wheat toast and tea.  Instead of relishing this cold in my system as an escape from my regimen of exercise, I should exercise anyway and blow my nose between sets.  These are not unrealistic, obsessive ideals.  They’re the lucid dogma of a human with an interest in improving his life.

I have kept my wits sharp by taking on improvised comedy for the past 8 or so years.  I’ve tried to be a good man and I’m discovering the joys of living a life of true health, which is more than just the absence of disease.  I meditate, though not as much as I’d like, and I try to list my blessings every day.  I only hope I can improve my life each day if only just a small bit.  A fortunate man can afford to rest all the time; a lucky man can rest, and doesn’t.

And lo, a postcard did appear

My buddy J Hobart B (the “I” of Phil & I) went ahead and whipped up this splendid flyer for our Chompetition spot this Saturday.  Please come and vote for us!

boo-yah!

Follow Your Doubt

I set off tonight to complete a monumental amount of work on my book.  I had my own ticker tape parade all planned out.  I was going to sit down and crank out page after page and it was going to be marvelous.  When I looked up and needed a break .. I’d completed 17 lines.

And, in short, I was afraid.  Who do I think I am to commit myself to this project?  My taste knows what it ought to be when it’s finally done, realized as a whole.  But some nights I finish my work (the real work that I do) and I see futility and wasted opportunity.  Tim Clark over at Soul Shelter describes it pretty aptly:

Initially inspired, you started out with jaunty step — but now after cresting a few summits you stand and behold innumerable other summits ahead, just as big or bigger than the ones you’ve already struggled to overcome. An icy wind burns at your face, and attainment of your ideal vision seems to recede before you. Reviewing your work so far, you can’t help feeling that the bright thing you meant to create has actually emerged a bit pale. You wonder if you can see your task through to its end, or if you ought to even try.

Fucking A.

In that same post, Tim goes on to resolve this doubt as your judgy mind’s way of discerning your good output from your bad output.  You look up from your progress and it’s doubt that lets you know the good stuff is still churning inside you, waiting to be tapped.  So I’ve got that going for me.

Also, I’ve got a little Buddha on my desktop that tells me one of these  days I’m going to finish editing this monster, mail it off to some guy in khakis, and start getting nervous about what the next project is going to be.  So I should just acknowledge that 17 lines got written and say “That’s how many lines needed to get written this evening.  See you again soon, giant project.”

So yeah, I wrote 17 lines of poetry today and had a good time doing it.  I doubt I’ll ever finish this thing the way I want to, and yet that’s how I know it’s going to be perfect when it’s finished.

Check out Phil & I next week

Phil & I Chompetition Fight Song by Phil Wells

More info here (scroll down for deets).

Too Much Flow

The cashier at Subway today was clearly “in the zone”. Whenever I go there on my lunch break the place is packed, and today was no exception. I have boatloads of respect for people who excel in high-pressure retail workplaces. This man has developed the very particular skill of being-the-cashier-at-Subway to such a degree that he can ring up probably 8 or 10 customers per minute, if the customers can keep up with him.

And therein lies the problem. At some point in joblike interactions it is possible to become so awesome at the job that the only obstacle that could possibly slow you down is dependency on another human being. And if you’re someone who gets addicted to Flow, you will start to see coworkers, customers, or clients as just that: obstacles.

This points to a situation larger than one man’s oblivious rudeness. My being rushed on the sandwich line is in fact an indication that Subway-Cashier is One of Those Jobs A Robot Could Do. I use that phrase because in theory it should be inaccurate. Of course a thinking person is better prepared to improvise and adjust to the subtle pressures of retail service. But the volume of work, the stigma of the position and, yes, the stupid hat that kid has to wear let him know that being nice and making eye contact with every customer is below company expectations.

What I’m trying to say is maybe the Subway by my office needs a few more cash registers.

Half a Fast

I’ve taken it upon myself to use Lent as an opportunity to stop drinking for a while.  I call this Fake Lent because I’m not really doing it to please the man upstairs; I’m doing it to save money and drop the 10 pounds I’ve gained since the end of my last dry spell.  It’s been working, too.  So far I’ve dropped about 5 pounds.  Of course, not drinking has been a key factor in this little victory, but another important step has been my decision to stop eating after 6 PM every day.

True, this has only been accomplished on weekdays.  I’m in the office until 6 on these days anyway, and that provides a clear, tangible deadline for me.  Once I leave work, I stop eating.  Done and done.  On weekends it gets a little less distinct and it’s hard for my food-brain to parse.  Still, in the words of the immortal Whitney Houston, it works for me.

I’ve realized that I stay up every night until midnight, and I don’t wake up until 7 or 7:30 on weekdays, so I’m effectively fasting for half my life.  Add to that the fact that when I do eat I try to keep it healthy (sugar is the enemy), and it’s no wonder I’m seeing results. 

Also, I’m doing this again:  http://hundredpushups.com/.

Taxes

I just got my taxes did and I ended up owing a few hundred to the government. That was pretty much the last thing I needed. Last year I got a decent refund so I figured this year would be basically the same. Too bad Uncle Sam (and Uncle Albany?) disagreed. I was gonna totally snowflake that refund.

Well, shit.

(12+3)*4

I am a procrastinator, and I get the feeling most of the people I know are the same way.  In this day and age it’s easy to assume that this is brought on by some chemical imbalance in my brain.  It’s become hip to self-diagnose as “ADD” or “just a little autistic” or “actually so smart it makes me seem kind of slow”.

Whatever.  I know that here, in real life, procrastination can be overcome with a little discipline and a lot of caffeine.  For the discipline, I turn to (10+2)*5.

I set aside an hour, give myself a list of at least an hour’s worth of work that needs to get done, and plow through it.  I’ve actually tweaked the formula to (12+3)*4 because I like longer breaks.

• Work for 12 minutes, no excuses.
• Break for three minutes, no excuses.
• Repeat 4 times.

And there you go: you’ve completed an hour’s worth of stuff.  Now get out your stopwatch and a task list, and get back to work.