Doldrums (sobriety whine)
Here we go again.
Yet again I’ve put aside alcohol For the purpose of motivating myself toward some lofty finite goal. This time I’m not drinking again until I’ve finished the first draft of my upcoming book. I’ve been writing all year and I’m halfway through. I’ve been sober since Monday.
I worried at the beginning of this week that this method wasn’t going to work anymore. I would fail to be motivated. I’d become numb to the denial of booze. This is what I thought.
Guys, I love to drink. And I love the drinkers I know. Family, friends, dinner parties, bars; you name it, I’ll associate it with drinking. To get by I skipped bars last week and was cruising. Then we went to Philadelphia.
I was there with SidViscous! For the Philadelphia Improv Festival (which by the way was an awesome event). After a rollicking set we hit a bar where 16 oz cans were a dollar each. Our group ordered 60.
If you’re a drinker, imagine sitting before a coffee table holding 60 open cans and the rule is “these are paid for; drink away!” This was tough. I didn’t drink. I stayed strong. And still this experience delivered the profound low I’d been chasing. I need a drink. Therefore, I need to get to work.
I figure I can reach my goal if I make a BIG push in the next 45 days or so. That’s a friend’s wedding, Halloween parties, maybe Thanksgiving, umpteen performances, and probably 4000 other tiny occasions with no alcohol.
This is a game. This me me versus addiction, the enablers, lack of willpower, boredom, social stigma, and resistance in the face of the production of asinine blogwhines. When it’s over and I’ve won, I’ll be happy. Hell, I’ll probably find my share of happiness on the way to the finish line, too.
But I am thirsty.