Ground Control To Major Tom

by Wells

Major Tom:  I’m feeling very strange, and I think my spaceship knows which way to go.  Tell my wife I love her very much…

Ground Control:  She knows!

Major Tom:  So, what, you’re not gonna tell her for me?  I know she knows, dude.  She’s my effing wife, I hope she knows I love her.  That’s not the point.  Do me a solid, man, I’m marooned up here, floating around in this tin can; it’s the least you can do.  “She knows”.  Yeah, thanks, guy.

Ground Control:  I was just trying to reassure you, Major Tom.

Major Tom:  Awesome.  You know what’d be really reassuring next time?  Building a damn spaceship that doesn’t spin out of control and send me into the cold depths of icy space hell.  And tell the papers I’m wearing a NASA shirt just like every other a-hole astronaut who’s ever been to space.  What do they think, I get to check a bag and bring a carry-on?  I get my pick of shirts up here?  For crying out …

Ground Control:  Ground Control to Major Tom.  Your circuit’s dead; there’s something wrong.  Can you hear me, Major Tom?  Can you hear me Major Tom?

Major Tom:  I hear you.  I’m just ignoring you.

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