How Good We Had It

by Wells

I want to be rid of the digital television conversion.  The video compression artifact glitches that made Kanye’s video for “Welcome to Heartbreak” so charming are a nightmarish reality in my living room.  We get a little rain in this town and it’s like SNL is a half-failed port from Commodore 64 up in here.

Yeah, I still use rabbit-ears. You’re all gonna tell me to just spring for cable and I JUST MIGHT.  But I shouldn’t have to.  Back in the day when reception was bad we got, at worst, a staticy but interpretable version of what we were trying to see and, at best, a staticy but interpretable version of basic cable channels.  Or Pay-Per-View.  That’s how my brother and I watched the 1990 Survivor Series.  The Undertaker debuted at that event, and he was a monster!

It’s degrading enough to have to stand up and experiment with the table-top antenna, but it was far more tolerable when you were trying to make a bad signal look better.  Now we’re just fighting to receive any signal at all.  The real kick in the face is that I’m watching television on the best television set I’ve ever owned.  A big 42″ flat-screen and all I can watch is channel 4-4 (aka the all ski-jumping channel).  The government better take all those airwaves they repo’d from us and turn them the hell out.  I want free wifi, 3G connectivity in everything that plugs into a wall, and incessant updates regarding the whereabouts of any food that can be bought off a truck in this crazy mixed-up world.  Honestly, it’s the least they can do.